Monday, January 16, 2012

Things All Girls Do

College girls are hands-down THE most prebdictable creatures on the planet. They are not original and they all say and think the same stupid things (and unfortunately now there is Twitter and Facebook so you can see it as well as hear it). I’ve met a few original girls in my life, but it turns out they used to be dudes, so scratch that.

Every year when Starbucks starts selling their Pumpkin Spice Latte or their Peppermint Mocha with Extra Java Flavored Roofies girls go APESHIT. They also like to express how they’re “soo addicted to the Pumpkin Chip Sugar Bomb Macchiato, I could drink like 50 in a row.” Oh, really? Could you? I heard the 12-step program for that is really effective. 

All girls will claim that they are “really good at reading people.” Now I’m not an expert but I don’t think we can all be really good at reading people, and also what the frick does it mean to “read someone”? I guess they just have a supernatural ability to pull apart the layers of someone and figure them out in seconds, because, you know, people are never multi-dimensional.

Girls are really into “wine nights” with other girls. This is when they get together, split 2-5 cheap bottles of Barefoot and talk about boys, usually ending up in Facebook stalking whatever manfriend the whiniest (wine-iest) one has. I wish I was lying to you but it’s a fact. 

Pinterest is a relatively new player in the monotony and homogeny of a college girl’s life. They will spend hours pinning and repinning things to boards, mostly recipes for cookie dough cake poppers that they’ll never make because of their diets or ideas for their future engagement photos. The reason everyone hates the U.S. is because THESE are the things our nation’s future is concerned about. 

Girls also love to talk about how they want to steal cute babies they see or how they really want to adopt. This is usually followed by a statement about how black babies or Asian babies are sooo much cuter than white babies, to which all her girlfriends agree.

Lastly, whenever they talk about something they bought online, they say they bought if “offline,” even though dial-up internet is no longer a thing and I don’t think that’s possible.

And just to keep you entertained with some multimedia, here is a video.  Bye!