Sunday, January 8, 2012

In Defense of Biddies

If you're familiar with the internet, you're aware that society thinks it's cute for white people to say "haters gon' hate."  If you're familiar with stupid people, you're aware that they think it's cute to hate on biddies.  But allow me to be a cute white person and say to those stupid people, haters gon' hate.  And I don't care.

[RANT ALERT] People need to realize that biddies bring the party.  They will always offer to share their Franzia with you and they always want to take a picture with you, and by god they will make sure it is profile-pic-worthy.  They are FUN.

On top of that, they provide entertainment for everyone else at the party.  Don't act like you've never taken bets on how many times a biddie will fall during the course of a night, or laughed out loud when you've seen a biddie running down the sidewalk in heels, bravely facing the December wind in a crotch-length dress.  But laugh not, for she is a woman among women and she is just trying to dance.

Biddies are the reason both feminism and femininity still exist.  If there were no biddies, every girl would be ugly.  A biddie-less world would be glitter-less, and probably sunshine-less.  Diet Coke and Cosmopolitan would go out of business, and eventually capitalism would fall.

A whole sector of society and culture would cease to exist.  Twitter accounts would disappear into oblivion and college campuses would reek of testosterone and last night's beer.  Facebook timeline would never take off and yoga would be revered as merely an ancient Indian practice.  Sarah Jessica Parker would still be a struggling actress with a horse face.

So I ask, is that the kind of world you want???

Plain and simple, being a biddie is NOT A BAD THING.  Just like the nerds were told in middle school, someday biddies will be your future boss, or at least the girl that your future boss thinks is hot.  So biddies, let the haters be your motivators, and only text and drive if you're using T9.