Friday, November 18, 2011

Annoying People Friday, Edition Uno: People Who Need to Calm Down

I wanted to do a post about annoying people, then I realized I encounter far too many breeds and types of annoying people just in daily life to fit in one post, so I think I'm going to make it a weekly thing, as you can see by the title of this post. Sorry it's not a cute little alliteration like "Tutorial Tuesday" or "Way Cool Wednesdays" or other forms of that crap, but here goes...this week's category is People Who Need to Calm Down.

The Anxious Bus Passenger
Because I care about the environment and sustainability and the earth and things, I rely pretty heavily on public transportation to get around campus (the real reason is that I got into a pretty gnarly bike accident in September and haven’t gotten the guts up to ride it again…and by gnarly I mean I scraped my knee).
A real-life example of my personal biddie lifestyle, and also the result of my lack of coordination. 

Now, I’m pretty outgoing but there are a few times when I hate talking to people, like when I’m working out or riding the bus. I usually pick a seat on the bus furthest away from other people, but sometimes you have to share a two-seater. Heaven forbid you sit next to the Anxious Bus Passenger because this person will let you KNOW what stop they’re exiting at, about 3 miles prior to the actual stop. They start gathering their stuff up and kneeing you and half-standing up and breathing heavily and cold-sweating. I’m aware you want to leave but the bus is still moving and it’s not like I’m going to hold you hostage, so take a freaking 1000 milligram chill pill. 

The Beer Pong Champion
Last time I checked, beer pong was a game and games are supposed to be fun. This is the guy that takes beer pong way too seriously and consequently sucks all the fun out of it. He probably looks like this toolbox:
I can't decide if I want this to be Photoshopped or real life... 
He wants to question every rule, know if off-the-ceiling shots count, and has a strange name for every re-rack to make him look like he knows more about the game than anyone else. Do NOT be partners with this kid, and DEFINITELY don’t play against him, because if he wins he won’t shut up about it and if he loses he’ll probably try to kill you later.

The Picture Poser
This biddie takes her camera everywhere, not because she wants to remember her glory days but because she is always on the prowl for her next Facebook profile picture. Do not be friends with her because you will always have to be historian. The catch is not that she’ll always be pushing a camera in your face asking you to “take one of me and BladdyBlah!” but that she’ll demand to know if it’s good .2 seconds after it’s taken. It’s not even like she looks any different from picture to picture, it’s just that she’s obsessed with herself. If you don’t answer fast enough she’ll snatch the camera out of your hands and announce, “Ugh I look like SHET, take another one.” Is that the kind of friendship you want to be trapped in for the rest of undergrad? That's what I thought.

The girl on right has pretty good skinny arm form, you have to admit. She probably fell over right after this was taken, and then made sure it was flattering. 
Apologies to anyone who realized they are any of these people while reading, but also you're welcome. Now you can change your annoying habits and probably lower your blood pressure in doing so.  Happy Friday!

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