Monday, November 28, 2011

Confirmed: I'm a Dude Magnet

I’ve never been one for horoscopes, but I could spend hours upon hours reading about the affect of birth order on personalities and then analyzing all my friends. It’s pretty neat stuff, you should look it up if you’re interested.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m the youngest of 4 children, with 3 older brothers. 

This is typically how things go.

Every time someone discovers this about me they always, without fail, ask me with a bewildered look, “What’s that like?” which is just about the stupidest question to ask someone. Um, I don’t know, I also have brown eyes and a cat and I’d be happy to tell you about those experiences as well...?  Sometimes I just want to respond, “What is it like to have a huge piece of spinach stuck in between your teeth” and then see how long they spend trying to get “it” out. But in their defense and in the defense of stupid small talk everywhere, I think being the youngest girl has had paramount influence on my personality.

For example, I am 100% spoiled rotten. It’s not my fault that the idea that I’m a princess has been reinforced everyday of my life, whether it be through trashy T-shirts given as gifts that say “Daddy’s Little Angel” in rhinestones or that I figured out a few fake tears go a long way from a young age.

Try doing a Google search on your particular birth order. Some of the descriptions are spot on, others made me laugh. According to one site, I 

"Expect others to do things, make decisions, take responsibility.”
This is definitely true. Every night I like to hold a contest to see who in the vicinity of wherever I am wants the honor of making me dinner. Oddly, entries have been at record-breaking lows since moving out of my parents’ house.

Here’s another truth nugget about youngest children: 
"If youngest of three, often allies with oldest child against middle child."
Funny story, we actually used to have 5 kids in my family, until my oldest brother Tom and I teamed up during an especially rousing round of Crazy 8’s and killed Dylan.

During the extensive minutes of research I did for this post I learned that lastborns are “happy-go-lucky,” which I guess to an extent I am. I mean, if we said we were going to Chipotle for lunch but you decide you want Subway instead I’m probably not going to pee myself over it. In all seriousness, I do feel distinctly uncomfortable when the mood is not an overall enjoyable one; I hate when I even think that people are mad at me and I will throw jokes around during serious moments just to end the awkwardness.  (Most of the time they just make things more awkward.)

In one final testament to the credibility of birth order affecting your personality, according to, I am basically hot shit:

“Younger sisters of brothers are magnets to men...They often find that they have more men attracted to them than other girls.”
DEFINITELY TRUE.  So in summary, if you want to know what it's like having 3 older brothers, let me just say this: It's hard being super attractive and spending the majority of my time fending off boys, but I've accepted this as my lot in life.  After all, not everybody can be this hot:
Get at me, boys.