Thursday, November 24, 2011

Gobble Gobble, BIDDIES

One of a biddie's favorite activities is complaining.  When she's not texting, spending her dad's money, or grabbing a light lunch at Panera with her best girl friend, a biddie can usually be found bitching about something (she can also bitch during these activities, say about how her iPhone is soooo annoying, how her dad forgot to give her the monthly allowance, or how there's not enough cheddar in her broccoli cheddar soup).  The life of a biddie is certainly a hard one, and as we all know living in the first world ain't easy.  Even on a joyous, food-filled day like today, so many things could go wrong, like looking fat after dinner or your friendboy forgetting to text you a heartfelt "happy Thanksgiving babycakes."

But in the spirit of the holiday, let's think about all we have for which to be thankful.  First of all, tomorrow is Black Friday which means you can go wrestle with middle-aged women over the J. Crew winter quarter-length sweaters (but hey, they're 10% off so it's not LIKE you would just let her have them!). **
Look at this ecstatic biddie in her natural habitat: fighting and beating older ladies for four sets of twin sheets. THIS COULD BE YOU!!!!!
Secondly, even if you're not the biggest fan of family fun time over the holidays, don't worry because in a few short days you'll be back at school with your friends who love you enough to put up with your complaining (like mine, shout out to all 6 of know who you are).  If you suck and have graduated college then I really don't know what to tell you because on Monday you'll probably have to deal with the person across the cubicle from you who clears his throat every 5 minutes...which is what I imagine post-grad life to consist of solely.

If you suck and you're in high school, then I also don't really know what to tell you because your life is just going to keep getting worse until you graduate, so hang in there champ!  

You can also be thankful because it's getting colder which means you can wear baggier clothes which, by the transitive property means that you can start eating all you want (just in time for Thanksgiving leftovers, yeehaw).  There's at least 4 months before the marketing world will start throwing around venomous words like "swimsuit season" so until then LIVE IT UP GIRLFRIEND.  Along a similar line of thought, Christmas IS just around the corner and judging by the Urban Outfitters catalog I recieved/drooled on recently glitter is totally in this year and I've made up my mind that this Christmas I'm not accepting any gifts that don't sparkle.  

Today I made a list of things I was thankful for (because I was trying to think outside myself for once, or some crap like that).  Anyway, I strongly suggest doing this, you may surprise yourself.  If you really can't find ANYTHING to be thankful for (it can be super simple, like that chicken and dumplings exist, that you don't have a little brat to feed Thanksgiving dinner to first before you can eat, or that Earth sustains life), here is a little gem of literature my friend Harrison alerted me to tonight from the beloved Shel Silverstein book, "Where the Sidewalk Ends":

The One Who Stayed 

You should have heard the old men cry,
You should have heard the
When that sad stranger raised his flute
And piped away the kiddies.
Katy, Tommy, Meg and Bob
Followed, skipping gaily,
Red-haired Ruth, my brother Rob,
And little crippled Bailey,
John and Nils and Cousin Claire,
Dancin', spinnin',turnin'
'Cross the hills to God knows where--
They never came returnin'.
'Cross the hills to God knows where
The piper pranced, a leadin'
Each child in Hamlin Town but me,
And I stayed home unheedin'.
My papa says that I was blest
For if that music found me,
I'd be witch-cast like all the rest.
This town grows old around me.
I cannot say I did not hear
That sound so haunting hollow--
I heard, I heard, I heard it clear...
I was afraid to follow.
I didn't actually read past the word "kiddies" but I was still pretty happy about it.

[RANT ALERT] Lastly, just because you're already thinking about ways to burn off all that turkey doesn't mean it's Christmas yet.  Call me Scrooge but if you start quoting "Elf" or talking about how you've "been looking forward to listening to Christmas music literally allllllll year" anytime before December 10th I will not be friends with you (so if you're one of the 6 and have been looking for an out here's your chance).

**By the way, I just found out it was a thing people do to start shopping the night BEFORE Black Friday, a time I thought was supposed to be reserved for digestion and watching the 7th Land Before Time.  So there's that.