Sunday, April 8, 2012

Now Trending: #Comebacks

Fashion: a constant cultural shape-shifter that seeks to keep everyone looking fresh to death and will inevitably make us hate the pictures of ourselves from any decade that is not the current one.  Trends, like ocean tides and men, come and go...gradually and usually during the night.  Scrunchies, silly bandz, and snap bracelets were all once the objects of our utmost desires, only to be tossed into a brown paper bag where they eventually found themselves at the local Goodwill.

...Only I didn't throw them away.  You see, I'm a firm believer that everything comes back into style, so now, early into my second decade, I want to know when I can expect to see some of my favorite trends make a comeback.  For instance...

Bags That Were Popular in Middle School
Apparently every time my mom took me to Belk to buy a new dress that would fit my increasingly tall and awkwardly shaped frame I would also convince her to buy small handbags.  I had a lot of dates to the movies back then and needed something to carry all my middle school necessities like my banana cream pie Smackers, travel-sized Clearasil, and Delia's punch cards.  Now, I have an embarrassingly large collection of bags covered in sequins, cityscapes, and unnecessary zippers.  

Things You Wore in Elementary School That Hipsters Wear Now
Yeah, I see the occasional saddle shoe or plastic child's hair clip on campus but guess who's wearing it?  Some nasty, dirty hipster.  I don't appreciate when hipsters take these cherished trends and soil them in the name of irony.  Listen, if I'm going to wear stirrup leggings again it's not because everyone isn't doing it, it's because everyone is doing it and have finally come to their senses and realized that they are functional and comfortable and don't ride up to your knees.

Lisa Frank
Why yes, I do want a sticker of a puppy sitting in an ice cream sundae on my trapper-keeper.  Oh, a dolphin jumping over a moon?  Slap that on a backpack and I'll be looking fly.  What's that?  A lunchbox with a baby seal sliding along a rainbow?  Well, I won't be the one to pretend I'm not jealous or that I won't steal it from your cubby later.

Roll-on Body Glitter
I don't really think I need to elaborate here.

Wearing Your Sweatshirt Around Your Waist
Sometimes I get hot and don't want to carry my sweatshirt because my hands are full.  Purely for functionality, I wish it was okay to rock this once again and not be likened to a sweaty, pudgy, struggling 5th grader whose mom made her take too many layers on the field trip (not a personal experience).  Also, it kind of makes me feel like I'm wearing a cape.

Leg Warmers
They keep your legs warm.  If your neck was chilly you would put on a scarf, or if your ears were nippy you'd put on a hat.  Why should your legs be treated any differently?

T-shirts With Majestic Animals
Actually not sure if these were ever popular, but I liked horses a lot.  If there's ever a time and place where it's appropriate to don my glitter unicorn shirt let me's quite flattering.

Every trend has it's place in America's rich cultural history.  Where would we be if shoulder pads and feathered bangs had never been popular?  Developmentally, still in the '80s, and nobody wants that.  So let's take today to remember and revere our favorite trends for all they taught us, and hope they come back again someday so we can justify keeping jean jackets and toe socks sitting around in the attic for 20 years.  Or else hope that you have a '90s themed party coming up soon.

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