Tuesday, November 27, 2012

No, Shave November

There's only one part of No Shave November that I agree with: NO.  Just no.  No, non, nein.

Now don't get me wrong, I like beards.  If you are a bearded, flannel-wearing man with an appreciation for horses, making fun of other people, and hiking then we may have some talking to do.  But the difference between people who have beards all year round versus people who have beards only during November is that the former looks respectable, while the latter looks like those boys in middle school that have awkward patches but haven't been told to shave yet.  You know who you are.

I'd like to slap the person that came up with this.  Did you know that the unemployment rate spikes every November?  It does, and it's because all the men in the job market look like they've taken up residence in a rain gutter.  

Now like I said, I'm not anti-beard by any means.  If you haven't lost your "baby fat" and look like you're still sixteen then by all means, sport a little scruff.  But No Shave November plants false ideas in the minds of boys and men everywhere that they would look good with facial hair.  ALERT THE MEDIA, you probably don't look good with a chinstrap, especially because yours grows in patchy, and also because no one looks good with a chinstrap.

What I hate the most about No Shave November is the attitude of its participants.  Once these fellows get it in their head that they're going to try their luck at the world of beards (and by try their luck I mean "become too lazy to shave"), there's no stopping them.  It's like they see it as their duty to humanity to become an icon of manliness.  In reality, they look like this:

Most of these No Shave participants have no idea about the charitable roots (pun intended) this movement grew out of.  Movember (moustache + November) is a month-long event designed to raise awareness (and, not to mention, money) for prostate cancer.  For how many of you is this the reason behind your beard?  I'm guessing not a lot, because Movember seems to have morphed into Brovember, a month-long event designed to act like a douche because you have a five o'clock shadow.  It's going too far, I say!  There are whole websites and blogs about this pheNOmenon.  People live tweet the progress of their beards!  

Luckily though, November is one of those months with only 30 days, and I can see the light at the end of this hairy, hairy tunnel.

1 comment:

  1. Oh goodness you never fail to make me laugh--and the only reason I laugh is because it's all so true! Love it!