Thursday, September 13, 2012

Biddies: I Heard Dat

People say dumb stuff.  I know this because there's never a time when I'm not eavesdropping on someone's conversation (it's not being nosy, it's what they teach you in journalism skool).  Anyway, here's a list of things that people, mostly biddies, say that aren't that intelligent.

"I'm just saying" or "No offense."
These are phrases usually used to alleviate something rude that was just said.  For example, saying that your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend looks like she made out with a meat grinder and following it up by "I'm just saying" does NOT make whatever you just said okay, and when you say "no offense," your statement is still offensive.

"Sorry I'm not sorry."
This is stupid.  Just say you're not sorry, or do what I do and say rude things with no acknowledgment that they're rude.  It's the same lesson we all learned in church choir when we were kids: if you make it obvious you messed up, people will know you messed up.  I digress.

Pretty self-explanatory, before actually asking a question, biddies think they need to clarify that they are, indeed, about to ask a question (e.g. "Question: Where did you get those shorts?" or "Question: Do you think he's gay-gay or just like gay?").

"My big is the BEST."
When a girl joins a sorority, a total stranger picks her as her little and they become inseparable.  How, you ask?  It's a big's responsibility to buy her little a bunch of glittery crap, then act as a role model by teaching her to drink cranberry and vodkas like a true biddie.  Welcome to the sisterhood.

"We CAN'T go shopping together anymore."
Sometimes girls go shopping together and buy too much, then blame their friends for sneakily coercing them into using their debit card to "Okay" that $90 dress from Express.  Note: usually said in a dressing room, at check-out, or when they're thousands of dollars in debt after college.  Also, usually followed by giggling.

"She's not even that pretty."
Girls say this when they got beat out by another girl for whatever (boys, looks, boys, boys), and they know that the other girl is better and prettier.  So naturally, attacking her by saying she's not even that pretty puts her in her rightful place, with the rest of the uglies.

"Let's do lunch!!"
98% of the time, you guys don't "do" lunch.

"That's so funny" followed by no laughter.
That means whatever you said was not even worth a giggle, so that's really you're own fault.  Sorry I'm not sorry.

No comments:

Post a Comment