There's a good chance I hate you if you only wear a sports bra to the gym. Since when has this been acceptable? This isn't Olympics beach volleyball or Friday night at JMU so I don't know why you think you have the right to prance around a public place half naked. Put ya damn shirt on and work out like you mean it, or else go to the pool.
|She's probably not wearing shoes either.|
There's a good chance I hate you if you like Taylor Swift. T-Swift is the same nickname my high school's varsity quarterback had back in 2009, and it was cooler on him. Was she the star of a Disney Channel show? No she was not, so she needs quit all this nonsense about how innocent she is. She dated John Mayer and he is a freak-a-leak (I read it in Cosmo). Oh, she writes her own songs? I don't care, they suck. She look like a hedgehog, and her award acceptance speeches are dumb.
|The best moment of all tiiiiime.|
There's a good chance I hate you if you strike up a conversation with me in the grocery store, and we don't know each other. I don't go to Kroger to make friends (in much the same way that I don't fly on airplanes or hike the Appalachian Trail to make friends). I'm there to buy four different kinds of cheese and a case of Naturalé Light, and if I'm not mistaken I didn't ask you about your motorcycle or favorite time of year. I don't know what part of my bitch face gives off an "inviting a conversation" vibe, but I work hard to look pissed off all the time, and it's mostly to avoid people like this, so I don't appreciate being undermined.
There's a good chance I hate you if you named your kid something like Blyss or Kyler. Those aren't real names, in any language. I'm all for originality, but think about your kid going into a future job interview with a name like Honeydew. Let's not. Here are some more outrageous names.
There's a good chance I hate you if you're the car alarm that goes off outside my window every week. It's midnight, and I have at least two more hours of farting around on Twitter that you're interrupting.
So, there's a good chance that if you don't do any of the above, plus several hundred other things I didn't name, that we'll be the best of friends. XOXO.