Wednesday, September 19, 2012

5 Ways I Know Summer is Over

Summer is drawing bleakly to a close, and soon daylight saving time will rear it's ugly head and make me feel like I have 5 minutes to do my homework before bedtime, instead of 6 hours. (Seriously, what is even the point of that? I heard Arizona doesn't even do daylight saving time anymore.) Anyway, I hope all the biddies did something memorable during summer '12, because here are a few signs it's sadly over.

1. Less skin, less tan.  The colder weather means the phasing out of open-back, see-through, and crop tops (let's have a moment of silence please).  I suppose it's just as well though, because the month of September means one thing: tans are fading fast away and no one wants to see your pasty-white back.  If you're tan right now, it's either fake or you're ethnic.  But whichever it is, work it girlfriend.

2. "How to Get a Beach-Worthy Body" is being replaced by "Cute DIY Halloween Wreath" on Pinterest.  The girl standing in the middle of a field backlit by afternoon sunlight isn't wearing high-waisted cut-offs but now a cable-knit dress.  Desserts are now topped with ghosts and ghouls, and shame on you if you haven't put away your watermelon-printed napkins.  It's past Labor Day!

3.  The return of pumpkin spice.  I don't know what it is, but bitches LOVE this stuff.  They want everything to be pumpkin spiced.  Lattes, bagels, candles, their dog's shampoo.  The campus Starbucks ran out of Pumpkin Spice Crack the other day and I didn't even go to class because I thought there would be riots.  I had a test and everything, but it's not worth it.  (Clearly, my feelings about pumpkin are similar to those about eggnog.)

"Pumpkin Spice Fritters."

4. Girls are pretending to like the NFL again. Yeah, it's that glorious time of year when every biddie's status on Sunday is about some team she can't even name three players on, but you better believe she'll wear the jersey tomorrow, win or lose, and trash talk boys that don't like her team because she thinks it's cute. It ain't cute.

And no, girls DON'T look cute in jerseys.

5. Be on the look-out for boots. Every other girl will soon be wearing boots, whether they be ankle-, knee- or calf-high. I like to play a little game called "See How Many Girls are Wearing the Same Pair of Boots." Basically, you get a point every time you see the same pair of boots. Extra points if the pairs of boots are walking together, extra-extra points if you too are wearing the boots, and triple word score if the boots are paired with leggings.  Oh, boots.

Boots on boots on boots.

But as the leaves change and the temperature ranges from 20 degrees in the morning to 70 degrees by noon, at least one thing remains from summer: "Call Me Maybe" will somehow still be popular, despite any rationale.

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