Why Everyone Probably Hates Me

There are a few things in life that I just don't understand.  One is why boys can be funnier than girls (I could tell the exact same joke as a dude and I'll bet you $20 people would laugh more for him than me) and another is why I have friends.  Seriously, I am so obnoxious sometimes it's not even funny.  For example, the majority of my time today was spent posting unflattering pictures of my friends on their Facebooks and annoying the people sitting around me in our meeting by putting pieces of paper on their backs without them noticing.  I think I'm hilarious and I laugh at my own jokes all the time and on top of that I have an annoying cackle.

Story of my life.

I talk about the same things over and over again and my friends have heard every not-funny story or joke I know...twice.  At parties I steal people's cameras and take really zoomed in pictures of their eyebrows and stuff.  I spend an absurd amount of time trying to figure out ways to prank my friends or get away with lies that range from simple to elaborate in nature.  I'm never not being sarcastic, I'm competitive to a point where I provoke fights with people who didn't even know they were in a competition with me, and I rarely stop talking.

The only thing I can figure out is that my friends recognize the high probability that I'm going to get super rich right after graduating college and they're keeping me around so they can mooch off of expensive crab dip I have at my mansion-parties or take joy rides in my collection of Corvettes.