Friday, June 28, 2013

iPod Shuffle: White Girl Edition

I know we all think we're original and stuff, but there are a few aspects of life in which we're all just the same freaking person.  Especially girls.  We all Instagram the same crap over and over again.  We all ask our friends what kind of haircut they think we should get, even though we know they don't give a rat's ass.  We all force ourselves to like salad.

And we all like the same music.

If you are a white girl, which I assume you are if you're reading this blog (shout out to my boyfriend being my only male reader, because I make him read/laugh at all my posts) I can guarantee you all like the same music, as listed below.

White rappers
Obviously, you like any type of rap, but especially white rappers.  Mac Miller, Macklemore, Eminem.  Ask any white girl about Mac Miller and she will be all like, "Oh my god I loooove Mac Miller.  I saw him one time on tour with Wiz!"  Play any bad rap and she will start doing some silly ass dance in which she kind of sways back and forth and kinda jumps around flinging her hands around.  It's endearing, okay?

White girls like country music because they think it was written about them.  While most country songs center around the summertime, whiskey, and trucks, there is always a shout out to an adorable girl that makes the singer feel something deeper than other girls, and wears cowboy boots and drinks a lot of wine.  So, obviously, written about me.

Just take Luke Bryan's "Drunk On You"... 
Girl you make my speakers go "boom boom."  Yes, so I can hear the music over my annoying shrieks and cackling.  Unless you're talking about something else, in which your innuendo is over my head, so whatever.
Dancing on the tailgate in the full moon.  Sounds like my Friday night.
That kinda thing makes a man go "mmm, mmm." Sure.
You're lookin' so good in what's left of those blue jeans.  I WEAR CUTOFFS LIKE LITERALLY EVERY DAY.
Drip of honey on the money maker gotta bee.  I don't know what this means.
The best buzz I'm ever gonna find. You're damn right.  Also, I never realized how stupid these lyrics were.

Rock from the early 2000s
Think Blink 182, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and any band she ever saw at the Warped Tour.  Play "Feelin' This" at a party and she will start shaking her hair around because it looks punk rock and cute.

Because duh.

"Wagon Wheel"
And not the stupid Darius Rucker version.  Bump that.  Play this song in a bar and loud screams will erupt from each huddle of white girls.  Suddenly they come alive, dancing around and yelling all the words as vodka and cranberry juice slosh everywhere.  Join in, or leave.  Those are your two options.

Decent female singers
I have to hand it to girls who have some good taste in music, but it's not without a cost.  If you've ever ridden in a car with me and Adele came on, you probably have never ridden in a car with me since.  It's a real shame because these women -- looking at you, Regina Spektor -- plant false seeds of hope in our minds that we will someday be able to play ukelele and sing a cute song in a video left on our boyfriends' Facebook walls.  Problems with that: I don't own a ukelele, and I love my boyfriend.  Never would I put him or myself through the humiliation of listening to me singing along with Ingrid Michaelson.  Except in the car.

The entire lineup of any summer music festival
Festivals are their own culture, popularized on a mass scale by Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza, and now apparently Firefly which until this year I've never heard of.  Did you know Forever 21 has a whole line called the "Festival collection"?  Pretty much it's just tribal prints, cut-offs and glow sticks so I don't see how it's any different from any of their other collections/my daily wardrobe but whatever....

Anything they can twerk to

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