Friday, April 12, 2013

White Girl Problems

White girls get a lot of unnecessary crap, like why they're always wearing lacy dresses in the woods in American Eagle ads and how they're always complaining and driving poorly.

But listen, our lives hare hard.  It's not all Starbucks coffee dates and cute stuff your boyfriend does for you, okay?  White girls have their own sets of problems...

Tweeting too much.  I try to make all my tweets hilarious and/or weird, but sometimes it's not always possible.  It's unfair when you're kept in class the full time.  It's really annoying when you have a bad workout.  Sometimes my dinner is mediocre. These are the kind of things that the world doesn't definitely needs to know.

Anything having to do with cars.  Just don't talk to me about that, okay? Every time I go home my dad asks me if I've changed my oil lately, and I just stare at him.  What are you saying and also who has time for that?

Math.  It's not our fault -- boys are just better at math, and numbers are boring.  Literally the only thing I know about math is how to calculate percentages.  My mom taught me how so I know what price 40 percent off cardigans are.

Looking at yourself in the mirror while you cry.  Who knows why you started crying, probably because your butt looked particularly flat that day, but once you look in the mirror there's no going back until your pillow is literally covered in snot.

When Facebook took away wall-to-walls.  Like, how am I supposed to stalk people now?

Trying to decide your future baby's names when you have so many picked out.  Don't look at me like that.  What do YOU do in class?

All your favorite childhood idols ruining their lives.  Amanda Bynes: posting vulgar and degrading messages on Twitter.  Topanga: gee, I wonder where she's been for ten years.  Lindsay Lohan: Lindsay Lohan.  Miley Cyrus: bad, awful, nasty haircut, identity crisis and smoking salvia.  All we have left is Hilary Duff and she's pregnant with Good Charlotte's baby sooooo I guess lifestyles of the rich and famous.

Screw Vernoica Mars, let's get The Amanda Show Kickstarter going. 

The fact that Miley Cyrus ruined her life and still gets away with having the hottest guy in the world as her husband.  What gives.

Legitimately thinking your life is Mean Girls.  I exaggerate a lot of stuff, but not this: The other day I told someone I knew the girl whose dad invented Toaster Strudels.  I absolutely do not, but sorry I'm not sorry that I grew up in the Mean Girls era.  Who am I kidding, it's always an era because it's the best movie ever made ever.

Your mom's friends on Facebook.  Seriously, stop blowing up my news feed and stop asking me to "add my birthday."

Your checked bag on an airplane.  Fifty pound limit??  Do you know how much my hair products weigh ALONE??

Pandora being more attentive to your needs than your boyfriend.  I think it's pretty obvious that it was created by a girl, but for any boys out there looking for dating advice: be as polite and accommodating as Pandora.  If you don't like a song, it apologizes profusely and swears that it will never play that song again.  I've told my boyfriend time and time again I don't like when he talks to other girls, and he hasn't sworn off that, so......

Studies about how bad Diet Coke is for you.  Water has 0 calories too, and nobody says you shouldn't drink that, do they??

Not having enough time to keep up with your blog because you have to apply for adult jobs. Ugh, whatever.

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