Saturday, June 16, 2012

Fat Girl Problems

Easily my sole joy in life is eating, as it should be for anything you spend 90% of your day thinking about.  But for all the great things food gives us – happiness, solace, deliciousness, nutrients – it ain’t easy being a lardo (some people call it “foodies,” but let’s be real…you’re gross and I’m gross and let’s just go eat our feelings over it).  We all have our problems in life, so let's take a minute to talk about fat girl problems before we go hit the gym for a 3 hour workout (yeah....right).
  • Ending up with food in your hair or on your face at least once a day.
  • Finding crumbs in your bed.
  • Knowing the difference between white chocolate and regular chocolate (regular chocolate melts faster, in case you were curious).
  • Doing Google image searches for things like “cheese and bread” or “Dairy Queen Blizzards.”
  • Pictures of food you eat constitute a large portion of your study abroad Facebook album.
  • Carrying twin food term.
  • Going back for fourths.
  • Looking forward to PMSing because it’s more acceptable to eat everything in sight.
  • Unfollowing “Eat This, Not That” on Twitter after they publicly announce your favorite Arby’s sandwich has 3,000 calories. #Didn’tNeedToKnowThat
  • Insert name of food here is my new boyfriend.”
  • Fruit-flavored ice cream is a nutritious meal because it contains both the "fruits and vegetables" and "dairy" section of the food pyramid.
  • Determining how much you like someone by asking them to name their Cookout Tray.
  • Dreaming about pizza.
Whatever, food brings you life, and no food brings you death, so you see it's really a matter of life and death.

For the record, all of these things come directly from personal experience.  Let me tell you, the pizzas in my dreams are DELICIOUS.

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