Sunday, May 13, 2012

Times I Wish I Were Still in High School

I know what you're thinking... "Well, this is going to be a one-word post: 'never!'"

You're wrong, as I have already proved, but what else is new.  No, as much as I love college there are days when I pine for the simplicity of cafeteria lunches and a clear social hierarchy.

For example, late May.  It's when all those little biddies start posting pics of prom on Facebook.  I sit at my laptop drooling creepily, though the albums are always the same: Pictures of eight girls in pastel dresses standing in front of their acne-ridden dates who have matching pastel bow ties, much to everyone's chagrin.  They walk around striking different poses, poking each other with corsage needles and trying to force smiles as their own mothers tell embarrassing child stories to their date's mothers.  I love prom, and still sustain I had the best dress at mine.  If anyone from my high school wants to challenge me I will smother them in the 100 yards of tulle that comprise my my dress, which still hangs in my closet, allowed to be touched by no one but me.

Oh and here's the back.  Marvel at it, and be consumed with envy, you peasants.

And remember exam week in high school?  The way it worked at my school was that you had one exam per day and were dismissed by noon; thereby teenagers were unleashed into the town to spend the day doing hoodrat shit with their friends.  But now my exam weeks are filled with me doing hoodrat shit by myself as my friends get study rooms at the library and actually try.  LAAAAAAME.

Sometimes I just really miss living with my parents.  On cold winter days my dad would go out and start my car before I left so it would be warm when I got in it.  My mom would make me chocolate milk when I got home from school and assure me that the reason my friends were mean to me that day was because they were jealous.  I've never been able to make coffee as good as my parents and now my laundry will sit for days until I remember to take it out of the dryer.  Being an adult is just not in the cards for me, I suppose.

But while I certainly miss the ear-shattering bell signaling the end of the period, fill-in-the-blank homework sheets, and the risk of no retakes on picture day, I can safely say that there is no way in hell I would ever go back, which is good because shortly upon my graduation my high school collapsed.*

*Which in my opinion is an accurate summary of my high school career.

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