Tuesday, March 27, 2012

No Ifs, Ands, or Ruts

There comes a time in every relationship when you become comfortable with someone.  The time frame is entirely dependent on the couple: it could be after 2 months, it could be after 2 years, you just don't know.  While it's nice being comfortable enough with someone where you can put your nasty feet all over them and call it "cuddling," it's easy to slip into a boring routine.  But the first step is admitting you have a problem, so how to tell if you're in a relationship rut?

Does this picture remind you of your boyfriend?  You're probably in a rut.

Look at your cell phone.  If all the outgoing calls are all to him with one here and there to your mom or your cat, then you might have a problem*.  It's also highly dependent on the context of your conversations.  If you call him 17 times after your class because your teacher's pants ripped, that's perfectly fine because it's a hilarious event.  If you call him 17 times after your class because you just got out of your class, that's perfectly psycho.
"I was just calling to say hi."
*If there's one to his mom, that doesn't count...in fact it hurts your case.

What about your razor?  Has it moved in the past 2 weeks?  I'm all for not having to shave every day, but if your arm hair is braid-able...ding ding ding we have a winner.

It's common knowledge that if you make your boyfriend go buy you tampons then...

  1. he is whipped
  2. he should be ashamed and 
  3. you might be one of these.  
But if he knows what kind you like without having to ask, then he either runs Kotex® or runs that errand too often.  Take some Midol and go get them yourself.

The only time it's acceptable to be out to eat with someone and not talk is when you're really old and know each other so well you don't have to talk, or mute.  Other than those instances it's just weird.  If you two are on your weekly date night (well, if you even have a weekly date night) and you've run out of things to talk about and it's not awkward, then hell yes you're too comfortable with each other.  Relaying what you had for lunch that day is not interesting or a legitimate conversation topic.  Put some magic into it!  Carry a pack of Trivial Pursuit cards with you, or get some friends.  Similarly, if he knows all your secrets, that's not cute.  I'm not above advocating developing a secret life or alter-ego* to create some distance.

*I've actually found alter-egos are good ways to deal with a lot of life's curve balls, like creepy guys hitting on you, or boredom.

Just to reiterate, I am certainly in favor of stable and healthy relationships.  I merely think that life is too short to have a boring one, and if he's asking you what kind of shampoo you normally buy him and you haven't had a wedding anniversary then maybe it's time to spice thangs up.