Thursday, December 15, 2011

State of the Union

Since you're all dying to know what my life has been like recently I'll tell you (I'm waiting for my portfolio review to start and have an hour to kill).

This week is finals and as a result I've been spending a lot of time on social media websites and also formulating a theory that I'm going crazy.  My mom says I'm just stressed but if stress means paranoia, forgetfulness, feeling like your head is suffocating, catching yourself drooling, and daydreams that feel like acid trips then yes Mom, I am just stressed.

[RANT ALERT] Anyways, social media.  First of all, people need to stop posting pretentious articles about half-assed studies that call for social change.  Here's the thing, we all know the the government is corrupt, that the Earth is running out of resources, and that our generation sucks because we eat too many Cheetos and send too many texts.  You do NOT need to make your status some angst-filled call for change because if you actually cared you would figure out a way to freaking do something about it.  So it looks like your plan backfired because not only do you not look smart but you look lazy, so congratulations and welcome to the rest of society.

Secondly, making your status song lyrics to send subliminal messages to people who you're mad at is not discreet.  It's not cute when it's some Beyonce song and it's definitely not cute when it's some band no one has ever heard of so just don't.

Thirdly, no one gives two poops about your finals because PEOPLE ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES.  Here's one of my favorite tweets from this week depicting this notion:

If you're going to rant about finals (that may I remind you EVERYONE HAS), at least make it funny.  Some girl in my class walked into the lab today and stared at me, told me she had been there until 6am the night before, and that her "life is a shithole."  What I like about her is that her situation is more desperate than mine and also she wasn't complaining.  It was so matter-of-fact and she just didn't even care.

Now that I've completed my own rant I want to take a few moments to remind you all how to maintain sanity during this trying time.  The light at the end of the tunnel is this: In a few days you'll be home with your family, wishing they hadn't eaten all the cinnamon buns before you woke up and having a grand old time.

Yesterday I decided to get a little head-start on my Christmas shopping.  The thing about being in college is that because you're so busy crunching for finals (read: complaining on Twitter about crunching for finals) you don't really acknowledge the jolly holiday spirit of Christmas until after you get home when you have 2 days to finish your shopping.  I emailed my 5 siblings/siblings-in-law a couple days ago to see if we could draw names instead of giving everyone gifts so I could save some money, only to find out that they've all done their shopping.  Here's one of their responses:

Little late on this one.  My shopping is dunzo.  But don’t worry, I don’t expect anything over $50 from you, so don’t feel like you have to spend that much.  Ha!

No but seriously, if you don’t get me something worth some money I will kill you.  Because let’s face it, that’s what the holidays are all about; showing people how much they’re worth to us by how much we spend on them.

OH GREAAAAT. So now I'm the asshole that is giving everyone a construction paper heart and a sudoku puzzle I printed off the Internet because I can't afford gifts.  Seriously, if I had money I would buy groceries (although professors have been very generous so I've mostly been eating free bagels with a side of stolen apples from the dining hall), not presents that you won't even like anyway.

But there are a few things I'm finding solace in:
  • I'm getting ready to sell my text books back which means I'll probably be a whole $20 richer.
  • Stress-eating is absolutely acceptable during finals week, so bring on the pancakes.
  • Tomorrow I'm going home which is a dang good thing because people need to get the hell out of this town before we freak out and kill everyone.  Tensions are running way too high.
  • I haven't thrown up in the library bathroom this week.
  • I haven't actually been to the library this week.
  • At least I recognize that I'm going crazy so maybe I can have a little fun while I'm doing it.
Aaaand in closing to lift your spirits, here is my second favorite tweet from this week:
Haha, what if someone actually said this?....I said it yesterday.  Kidding but not.  But kind of.  Okay bye.