Thursday, December 1, 2011

Warm Biddies = Happy Biddies

Oh the weather outside is…FREEZING COLD, and the biddies aren’t happy about it. Today in one of my classes I had to listen to the bunch of morons I "learn" with conspire about how Seasonal Affective Disorder is not a real thing. Anybody who is around me from November to April knows that SAD is a very serious disorder that can turn even the most naturally pleasant buttercup like me into a raging bitch (disclaimer: I’m the only one who can call myself a bitch so don’t think this gives you liberty to do the same). I get cold drinking a glass of water, so imagine my little butt walking across campus in the whipping wind wearing three pairs of leggings, jeans, and fake Uggs…MISERABLE. Luckily this year I am really getting into faux fur and will soon be in possession of a new winter coat that will transform me into a highly fashionable and slightly warm Eskimo, courtesy of Mossimo by Target.

In the past few days the fine metropolis of Harrisonburg has experienced a severe drop in temperature. Currently I would estimate the outdoor temperature to be about 42 degrees with the windchill making it seem like -42….hundred. Here’s the actual weather report…

Although I don’t like to admit it there are some girls here that are smarter than I am that have bundled up in some exotic but very cozy-looking outfits. Just today I’ve seen about 5 girls that look like they came straight out of Siberia. I’m working on improving my sneaky-cell-phone-picture skills so hopefully soon I’ll be able to capture the stuff I see and broadcast it to you via pixels. Anyway, hours of observation have given me more than enough experience to find this season’s must-haves to guarantee the biddies won’t get BITTEN (see what I did there?) by frost this winter…

Mink hats, available in Russia.
Furry boots, available on Sesame Street.

I actually really want these...
...but not as much as THIS!  It's HEATED.  And it comes in my favorite color, camo.

Other options for staying warm this winter are to get a job as your school's mascot (only if you have 24-hour access to the costume though), wearing a wet suit underneath all your outfits, and not going outside. I'm trying a 3-pronged approach with all of these strategies; updates to come. Until then I'm drinking my weight in scalding hot chocolate, see ya tastebuds.